This is an excerpt of something I was fwd-ed to by a friend …
When a son is born into a Bengali household, he is gifted with a
resonant, sonorous name. Bengali names are wonderful things. They
convey majesty and power. A man with a name like Prasenjit, Arunabha
or Sukanta is a man who will walk with his head held high, knowing
that the world expects great deeds from him, which was why they
bestowed the title that is his name upon him.
But it simply will not do for these men to get ahead of themselves.
Their swelling confidence needs to be shattered. How can one go
about it? This task is left to the mothers of these lads and is
accomplished by the simple act of referring to the boy, not by his
fine-sounding real name, but by a nickname which Shakti Kapoor would
be ashamed to answer to. Their are some rules for creating
nicknames, which need to be followed. They are -
1) Nicknames must have no connection to the real name. Arunabha
cannot be called Arun. No, for that would be logical, and such
things are anathema in the world of women. Instead he shall be
called Bhombol. If possible, the nickname and real name must have no
letters in common, but an ancient alphabet proves to be the
constraining factor there.
2) Nicknames must be humiliating. If you are a tall strapping boy,
with a flair for soccer, an easy charm and an endearing personality,
then you shall be nicknamed - Bhondu. And every time, you have set
your sights on a girl, and are on the verge of having the
aforementioned lass eat out of your hand - your mother will arrive
and pronounce loudly - “Bhondu, chalo”. The ensuing sea of giggles
will drown out whatever confidence you had earned from that last
winning free-kick.
3) A nickname must refer in some way to a suitably embarassing
incident in your childhood that you would give your arm and leg to
forget. If it took you a little too long to shed your baby fat, then
years of gymming will not rid you of the nomenclature - Motka. If
your face turned crimson when you cried as a toddler, you will be
called Laltu. When you turn 40, your friends’ children will call you
Laltu Uncle. Even age will not earn you the right to be taken
seriously thereafter.
4) Different members of the family will make up different nicknames
- each more embaressing than the preceding one. If one member of the
family calls you Piklu, then another will call you Mitul, and
another will call you Jumbo.. The humiliation multiplies.
5) You will always be introduced by your nickname until people
forget you had a real name. Ranajoy might have taken on a gang of
armed men single-handedly, but Toton really didn’t have a chance.
After a point Toton will completely take over the beaten body of
Ranajoy, weighed down by the pressure of a thousand taunts.
This strategy is surprisingly effective. Ask yourself - would you
take Professor Rintu seriously? Or put much weight by the opinion of
Dr. Bubai? Or march into battle under the command of General Thobla?
The power of the nickname has scarred the psyche of Bengali men
everywhere. It follows them like a monkey on their backs. That too,
a monkey with a flair for slapstick, that was gifted to them by
their own mothers.
